to find love

friday night was hard

i felt like spirit was asking me

to die, i was sick, i was vomiting,

i even said to a friend, i feel like

i'm being asked to die

then on saturday

in the morning, i just wept and

wept. i walked through the woods,

down to the river, and i spoke with my

wife on the phone, and i just wept and

wept, for all of the sorrows in my life,

for all of the ways i have suffered

the snow was beautiful

and the air was cold

and i wept

then that evening

in meditation again

i came to a place of

total surrender, i just gave

up and released, and opened

to the energy flowing through my

body, and to life flowing through me,

and it was beautiful, my energetic being,

my body on the floor, the energy in me, flowing

through me, and my heart radiating love, and some

voice coming to me, like a teacher, showing me

how to hold my connection with myself,

a connection to the energy of love

in my heart

it takes awhile

to find one's new way

of being in the world, to

establish new patterns of behavior,

a good step was taken forward

and we are blessed, to open,

to change, to transform, to

find love