i breathe

we drive the kids to school

the morning is gray and beautiful

snow is predicted to fall

there is a feeling of great decimation within me

as if i already know everything will be destroyed

a vestige from when everything was destroyed

when i was young or in a previous life

i feel bad for all of the ways i have lived unskillfully

and contributed to the destruction even if this was

part of my conditioning unfolding

i feel regret

terror comes with it too at times

it has a way of making me very present

there are no more fantasies

i breathe